No. As a matter of fact, I’m not listening

“I’m walking you through this.”

Life-changing Bible study. Seriously. "For such a time as this."

Life-changing Bible study. Seriously.
“For such a time as this.”

That’s what the Lord spoke to my heart one afternoon as I sat with a brand new, fresh off the shelf Bible study book I’d been eyeing for quite some time. It was a Beth Moore book. Need I say more? However,  I was hesitant to start. God and I weren’t really on speaking terms then. I glanced doubtfully at the introduction in the front of the book.

I was coming off a dry spell, so to speak, a rut. At that time, I was frustrated with my God. Looking back, I see how simple the whole thing was really. It was all so circumstantial. I was frustrated and discouraged by some hard-to-swallow situations my husband and I found ourselves in. There is no denying how deeply hurt and downcast I felt. I felt like God was shouting a deafening “NO!” in my face every time I turned to Him. Out of sheer frustration, I stubbornly  spent a couple of months boycotting my right to ask Him for anything. For three whole months, I avoided personal prayer.  My fragile heart could not handle one more “no” in response to my pleas. So, I just avoided prayer all together.

Like my 4-year-old who sticks his fingers in his ears when we start to tell him something he doesn’t want to hear. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

Ridiculous. I know.

But hindsight is 20/20, right? I can see now that as difficult as that time was, God’s protection and love were constant. In the moment, I couldn’t see the forrest for the trees; I couldn’t see past the current circumstances that I felt burying me.

But unbeknownst to me, He was still near, waiting for the right moment to draw me back.

It reminds me of the little girl I saw one morning as I was dropping off my first grader at school. Cruising up the sidewalk on her bike, this girl, who looked like she was probably about third grade or so, was grinning from ear to ear. It didn’t take me long to figure out this must have been her first solo ride to campus. With those colored streamers  dangling from her handlebars, she confidently neared the corner of the school. She was a textbook example of bike riding. I could tell she’d been given very precise instructions about how to navigate the front of the school where there was more activity- hurried parents, kids running up the sidewalk, crying kindergarteners.  I pondered a second for how proud she must feel. I also considered her parents, with a tinge of jealousy. Oh, they must be THOSE kind of parents. They teach their children something cool, explain their expectations, and then confidently turn their backs knowing their offspring will carry out the plan perfectly. Then as I pulled away from the school, I noticed the blue sedan across the street. The driver was hunched over his steering wheel, white knuckles gripping the top of it. His hazard lights were blinking his arrival, and he was maxing out at a whopping speed of no more than 2 miles per hour. The little girl’s dad. He had trailed her all the way to school!

As I read through the introduction of my new Beth Moore Bible study, still feeling a bit defiant, His voice whispered, gentle but firm: “I’m walking you through this.”

It caught me by total and complete surprise. I hadn’t personally called on His name in over  90 days. But here He was calling out to me! He’d been trailing me the whole time, waiting for my heart to be ready to listen again.

And as predicted, He kept his promise. Though I had been reluctant to start the study in the first place because I worried the barrier would remain and I wouldn’t get anything out of it, He indeed walked me through the study. He gave me a fresh wind and a new hope.

Psalm 136

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.


2 Kings 20:5

“…‘This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears.'”


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